Turning my volume up

November 27, 2012
It’s funny looking back at this blog six months since my last post and seeing how much it is a history of a relationship that has now been over for almost a year.  Yes, there is a way in which telling of this relationship has been telling about my life, but my life is so much bigger.  It was always so much bigger.  Funny isn’t it how time and distance can grant one perspective.  Even on where one was at not-so-long ago.  Funny how such an important part of life is attention – looking and seeing.  I have long liked to think of myself as someone who has long been able to pay attention, to see the world around me and yet more than anything else, I have struggled to see myself, to see my own world, to pay attention to me.  Instead, I find myself keen on others, paying attention to my relationships, making sure everyone else is alright.  It’s important, of course, to do these things.  But it’s important to, as a dear friend of mine once told me, “be the hero of your own story.”  A few years later, this same friend told me to turn other people’s volume down and turn my own volume up.
So that’s what I shall do – turn my volume up.  I’ll continue to track my life and growth and living.  Even retrospectively as I have been.  But I’m done telling the story of relationships or my work.  I’m going to turn my volume up!  It’ll be a while before I post again.  Mostly because I have finals in two weeks.  I’m finishing up my final year of Divinity School, and I am determined to live to tell the story.  And to have a bit of fun along the way.
And just for good measure, today, I’m so grateful for the bite in the air.  For an excuse to wear a bright yellow scarf, for the bare trees that cast their silhouettes against the pale sky, for the darkness, yes, even for the darkness.

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About Thandiwe

Hopeful cynic, creative, seriously silly, lover of people and places, hypocrite, third-culture kid, queer, life-long learner, white woman, Christ follower, outdoor enthusiast: I am a seeker of justice and truth who has re-found my spiritual home in progressive Christianity. I serve as the Associate Pastor at a small Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) congregation near the mountains of Colorado where I live with my beloved.
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3 Responses to Turning my volume up

  1. Shayla says:

    Good for you. Glad you spending time on yourself. Good luck for your exams.

  2. Manuel says:

    I was wondering what happened to you. The details of your relationship were secondary to your reflections, so I’m glad to know your focusing on this. When I read “turning my volume up” I first thought you are putting a lot of weight 🙂 (my background in Spanish plays this on me…). It could be a first step to finally turn all volumes down, and listen to the silence.
    Welcome back!

    • Thandiwe says:

      Thanks for your message. We’ll see how I do at keeping up given that I’m writing a thesis this spring, but for now, it’s good to be back! Also, I like the image of listening to the silence. I think that’s exactly right.

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