November 23, 2009
I finished up my spiritual autobiography yesterday. It’s done, I think. I called up my folks and read it to them, and the first part got my mom crying (I tell it from her perspective). Ah parents. Smile. The second story is the call story I have of my experience praying for people in south india. you’ve heard it before, yet I tell it a little differently so that it says more about me, I think than it did before. I include at the end of it a bunch of my doubts, my questions, the ways in which I am afraid sometimes that I really am not pursuing my call. It’s an interesting line that I walk. I really do think that I am supposed to work (at least part of my life) in and for marginalized communities. How would you feel about that? I think that we can both certainly imagine doing this in Nepal. I also think that it’s something that I need to begin to do here in Chicago. Perhaps we can do some volunteer work together (if that’s something that you’re also interested in doing, otherwise, I can also begin to venture out on my own). It was interesting that at the ordination yesterday part of the commissioning was a commissioning of the ordinand to 1) be present, 2) to love all of creation (himself, other people, the earth), and 3) to be open to change and transformation. I think that these are things that I strive for in my life in general. And I think that I work hard to do these things already, that I value explicitly these ways of being in the world, which is affirming that I am already perhaps living to some degree a life of ministry (using that in loose terms). I wonder how much or how little talking about jesus will enter this ministry that I take on. I’m not sure it matters how much this happens because I guess that I feel that Jesus’s teachings (along with lots of other peoples’) shapes how I see myeslf living in the world.
I really appreciate your saying yesterday that you think that I’ll get ordained. I mean, I sort of feel like it’s one of those things that really has to come from outside of me as well as from within me, and you know me well and you have no bias for the church (at all) but simply for me, so it’s reassuring and affirming to hear you say you think I’ll get ordained. Smile. Nice that you sound so sure about something that I am still getting used to the idea of. Although I think you are probably right that this is something that will happen. It was interesting during the service yesterday that there was a laying on of hands. A powerful reminder that it is simply a bunch of people doing their best (or not doing their best) to live and work together as they think they should. And it’s not the end all be all (be all end all, in your words).