Procrastination nation

10.9.09
Hi.  I’m stalling on this paper and studying.  I’m caffeinated and going to be up for a while.  I need to get my game on, so that I don’t have to do this again for a while….  Here’s hoping… as you lie fast asleep and dreaming.  About what?  There are so many things that could be on your mind.  I find myself doing things I wouldn’t normally do when I’m not procrastinating….  I emailed Gwyn to say hello. I sometimes wish that I could feel like amends had been made between her and me so that we could go on with our lives and still acknowledge that the other person was part of it and important.  I emailed another friend from whom I feel pretty distanced.
Funny how maybe it’s just that I want peace between me and people.  Perhaps it’s just that I like to be liked and don’t like to feel like people don’t like me and I want to fix that.  Perhaps that’s something for me to work on letting go of and just moving on.  I don’t know.  On the other hand, perhaps it’s okay to let people know when they’ve been important and to reach out a hand of reconciliation if that’s what’s in order.  I dunno.  I keep wanting to call you as a boost for myself and also just to say hi.  Wry smile.  So….  Working on not procratstinating and not taking WAY more time than necessary to do the task at hand.  The internet is such a distractor.  Yikes!  Wry smile.
I talked a bit to Tanya this evening online and connected with a couple of other people. I guess that’s a good thing that comes from being up so very very late.  I got a VERY rough draft of my paper done.  I wish it were a little bit better to have peer reviewed tomorrow, but at least it’s something.  And I have a week to work on it.  Smile.  A little bit of studying now and then sleep.  I miss you and I love you.
Later…
Hi Jonathan,
Let’s see….  Today was good.  The Hebrew was a disaster – really.  I think I will do on it how I feel I did on it – terribly.  I couldn’t remember ANY of the verbs (which was what the quiz was on – oops).  But somehow it doesn’t feel like my life is going to end. I went to a really interesting lecture given by a woman whose name I’m blanking on at the moment who talked about the case for peacebuilding in the world today.  An interesting and thought-provoking talk looking at ideas about justice, hope, evil and how religion, at its best, really aims to speak to these things in a way that is true to the compassion and mercy which many religions teach at their core.  It’s interesting that in Christianity we believe that, really, all people are equally entitled to all that there is in the world.  Yet this gets so very distorted.  I mean, here I am preaching or ethicizing about how if we have two coats, we should give one of them away, and I have like 5 in my closet.  I really struggle (when I choose to engage with it) with the hypocricy of my own beliefs and actions.  Yikes.  Anyway, it was clearly thought provoking.  The woman is Catholic and has 5 children, and that’s somewhere I begin to struggle, because I have a hard time not thinking that that is simply irresponsible because our world simply can’t support that sort of reproduction AND we know it.  (So if you’re eventually looking to be with someone who’s going to have 5 kids with you – biological children, certainly – then, just so you know, it ain’t me.  Just sayin’)  Grin.
So, who all is going to be at the Prospero’s Island House?  I would so love to be there right now.  My weekend looks to be full of reading and Hebrew plug and chuggin’ and church on Sunday.  And being with a bunch of people cooking up good food and being in that space sounds so fun.  But you know, I just have to engage with this stuff here, and really it’s pretty exciting and interesting too.  And lots of good people.  Grin.
Anyhoo, I love ya lots and lots.  You make me smile.
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About Thandiwe

Hopeful cynic, creative, seriously silly, lover of people and places, hypocrite, third-culture kid, queer, life-long learner, white woman, Christ follower, outdoor enthusiast: I am a seeker of justice and truth who has re-found my spiritual home in progressive Christianity. I serve as the Associate Pastor at a small Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) congregation near the mountains of Colorado where I live with my beloved.
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